i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
