well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
