they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
