Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
