Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
