All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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