Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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