Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
