So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize