Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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