Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
