yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
