Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think we might need a safe word for this...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
