Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
