I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize