your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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