In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
