whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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