he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
