I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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