U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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