eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
