i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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