what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
nutella sex= disaster
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
