I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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