DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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