Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
nutella sex= disaster
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
