he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
