I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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