I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
