I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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