I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
