you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
