so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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