forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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