I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
as a side note pls kill me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
