omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize