the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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