Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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