Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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