..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
