im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Two words: blizzard sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
