on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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