She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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