I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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