can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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