My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
