its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
