Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
