I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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