I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
