i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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