How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
