Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
