oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
