I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We need a shit load of segways right now
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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