apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
