We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize