dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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