just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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