Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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