never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
