PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my liver is dry heaving
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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