she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Drunk is not a location!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
