I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i've created a new STD.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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