bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
