This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize