Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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