I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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