drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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