im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
