my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
