Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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