i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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