Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
