its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
