i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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