How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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