Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And then he peed in my hair
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