I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
