i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
