GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
