My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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