Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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