Me. At least after what I've been through.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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