Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
