my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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