Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Boobs are out for the taking
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
