no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
