because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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