Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
