YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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