My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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