They should really pass out barf bags in church
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
