I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
