just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
