from now on my penis is your penis
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
