I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
