I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
