You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
