we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
