She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
