Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
