it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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