I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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