PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
