last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
