I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
