god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Pappa wants mamma naked
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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