Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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