Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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