I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
