I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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