u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
